Stop With Your Thinly Veiled BS

Samhain, Día de los Muertos and vapid diet culture

It seems that everybody and their tarot-reading cousin is singing from the same song sheet this time of year, and I just don’t fucking see it. Actually, I see a lot of it. The veil is not thin. In fact, she looks a little juicy, now that you mention it, like a supernatural, mostly transparent wall between this realm and the beyond’s got some meat on her bones—in all the right places. I also don’t give a flying broomstick fuck about your American fascistic diet culture. Thinness is not the veil’s Platonic ideal, she said as much when I saw her at Anytime Fitness last week housing a bucket of cottage cheese in between Romanian deadlifts and guttural grunts of “bitches, I’m back! I’m better, I’m back!”

Veil also wanted me to tell you that she’s definitely not a Protein Girlie, so don’t come at her with your ironic health goth bullshit! Throw shade and become the shade, as above so below, witches.

Veil and I were carving pumpkins the other day, sippin’ chai-spiced matcha (cozy!) and, sure, she let a few wendigos and ghouls slip through whilst talking relative merits of overnight oats and Greek yogurt, but those cryptids would have crossed over at anytime of the year, thick or thin. Veil was gracious about it, like a slipped a fart at grandma’s dinner table, just excused herself and we went back to carving eyeholes from oversized orange squash, all hunky dory-like. So what if she bought six pairs of Pchee Bum athleisure shorts, they were on clearance goddamnit!

Miror, mirror on the wall, have you ever considered that you people are the real monsters afterall! With your HOT GIRLS FOR ZOHRAN merch and new moon intention candles, trying to give flowers to veil in your signs-of-life-Scorpio-SZN photo dump. She doesn’t care about you. She’s tired, we’re tired, and you know fucking what?! We got a brand new season of Selling Sunset—arguably the spookiest show out rn—and some goblin goss to catchup on, so if you would be so kind to sign off and fuck off, we have some baddie shit to attend to.

#StrongNotThin